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Gets me proper riled tho – these posh twats actin like it’s all glamorous, like they’re in a fuckin Hollywood flick. Bollocks! It’s seedy as hell, dodgy geezers, sticky carpets – ugh, makes me skin crawl. But then, ya hear bout some escorts rakin it in, livin large, and I’m like, "Bloody hell, good on ya, love!" Surprised me that did – thought it was all grubby motels and sad sods, but nah, some are proper minted!

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After that, I decide to check out the famous chessboard in the square. You know, the one where they play with real people dressed as pieces? It’s wild! I’m watching, and this dude in a knight costume trips over his own feet. I’m dying! Like, how do you mess that up? But hey, it’s all in good fun. The crowd’s loving it, and I’m just there, cracking up.

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