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But then—then!—she starts talkin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” What in seven hells? I’m here for a rubdown, not a sermon! Made me mad, that. I don’t need chi or whatever—she’s not fixin’ my soul. “The point is—I’m tense!” I snap, channelin’ Larry’s whiny arse. She smirks—smirks!—and digs deeper. Oof, that hurt. But good hurt, y’know? Like when you drink too much and still feel clever.

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But then, I saw a group of tourists. They were lost, looking at their phones like they were trying to decode hieroglyphics. I couldn’t help it. I walked over and said, “Hey, you guys need a map or something?” They looked at me like I was a unicorn. I mean, c’mon! It’s not that hard to find your way around Marina-di-Gioiosa-Ionica! Just follow the Via Nazionale, and you’ll hit the gelato shop in no time!

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