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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good rubdown—Madea’s back be actin’ up from haulin’ these fools outta trouble! But sexual-massage? That’s next level, y’all! Little fact—back in the day, them ancient Greeks was all ‘bout it, callin’ it some fancy “healin’ touch” mess. They wasn’t wrong! It’s sensual, sure, but it’s science too—gets that blood flowin’, muscles screamin’ “Halleluyer!” I got HAPPY first time I tried it—thought I’d float off the table, chile! Like, “This is my place now,” straight outta the movie vibes.

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After that chaos, I head to the beach. Marina di Ardea’s coastline is stunning, man! The waves crashing, the sun glistening on the water. I take a deep breath, and for a second, I forget about the craziness. But then, I see this group of tourists trying to take a selfie with a seagull. The bird’s not having it. It swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta some guy’s hand! Classic!