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Here’s a wild story—heard from my buddy Sal, swear it’s true—this underground joint in Brooklyn, they use hot stones AND happy endings, call it “The Full Liberation.” Ain’t that a riot? Had me laughin’—capitalism sneakin’ into every rubdown! Surprised me too—thought it was all sleazy motels, but nah, there’s artistry in them fingers, a craft! I’m like, “Hell yeah, work them shoulders, comrade!” Gets me goin’, thinkin’ bout how it’s more than just sexy—it’s power, it’s release, it’s tellin’ the world, “I’m alive, damnit!”

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Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Luca. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a street fair on Via Nazionale. I’m like, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” But then I remember the cannoli. Oh man, the cannoli!

Suspect arrested, another sought for murder of Italian tourist