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So, I tried it once—prolly shouldn’t admit this—buddy of mine swore it’d “fix my soul.” Walked in, dim lights, incense burnin’, chick’s like, “Relax, Beetlejuice,” and I’m like, HA, good luck! She starts kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no regular rubdown!” Little known fact—ancient Egypt had sexual-massage rituals, legit, pharaohs got it on the regular. Made me happy as hell—history’s freaky, man!

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get the kiln goin’. Flames are cracklin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on Via Garibaldi, and he’s got a crowd. I peek over, and it’s this guy in a chicken suit, doin’ the cha-cha. I’m like, “What the heck is this?” But the crowd’s lovin’ it! I can’t help but laugh. Only in Marconia, right?

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