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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya bout these sex escorts—ooooh wee! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, ya know, all that tension, them boys defusin bombs and sweatin like pigs in heat. Sex escorts? Kinda like that—high stakes, honey! You pay for a good time, but lordy, it’s a gamble. Will they show up lookin like a snack or like they crawled outta bed after a bender? “Every step you take could be your last”—shoot, ain’t that the truth when you hirin somebody off the internet!

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After that chaos, I finally get to the good stuff. The crowd’s hyped, and I’m feeling it. I’m in my zone, you know? But then, I spot this guy on Via della Libertà. He’s just standing there, looking lost. I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” Turns out, he’s a tourist who wandered in. I’m like, “Welcome to Marco-Simone! You’re in for a treat!”

U.S. Ryder Cup Team takes early peek at Marco Simone