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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, alright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? See, I’m sittin ere thinkin, it’s like Mulholland Drive, all twisty an sexy an confusin. Ya got them hands slidin over ya, oil everywhere, an yer like, “What’s my name? Who am I?” – straight outta that Lynch flick, ya know? “The pinky ring… it’s a clue!” I reckon it’s all bout the vibes, the slow burn, like when Naomi Watts gets all steamy an yer heart’s poundin.

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After a while, they agree to back off. I’m feeling like a hero, right? But then, I notice my phone buzzing. It’s my buddy Luca. “Dude, you gotta see this!” He sends me a video of a cat stuck in a tree on Via Roma. I can’t help but laugh.

Hannibal boosts its intermodal logistics: Northern Europe and Southern Italy are increasingly connected