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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, soaked to the bone, and the owner’s just watching me like I’m some kind of circus act. I’m like, “Dude, help me out here!” But nah, he just sips his espresso, all chill. I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep working, trying to ignore the rain.

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