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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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So, we start our lesson on navigation. I’m tryin’ to teach them about the streets of Maracalagonis. I’m like, “Okay, guys, who knows where Via Garibaldi is?” And they’re all like, “Uhh, is that near the pizza place?” I can’t even. But then, we get into it. I’m talkin’ about the beautiful parks, like Parco di San Giovanni. It’s got these amazing trees, and I’m like, “Imagine the shade!” But they’re all just focused on food. Kids, man.

All set for the 9th Para Event