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Me, I’d be chuffed to bits gettin one—lights low, some Enya blastin, hands roamin where the sun don’t shine. Last week, mate, I googled it—accidentally booked a “sensual deep tissue,” turned up in me best tie, lookin like a plonker. Lass goes, “strip down,” and I’m sweatin, thinkin, “This ain’t no team-buildin seminar!” Felt like Plainview strikin oil—pure gold, mate, but I was shakin like a leaf.

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Finally, I get to the school. I’m a typhlopedagogue, which is just a fancy way of sayin’ I teach visually impaired kids. And lemme tell ya, these kids are the best! They’re like little sponges, soaking up everything. But today? Oh boy. One of my students, Marco, he’s a character. He walks in, all smiles, and says, “I can smell pizza!” I’m like, “Dude, we’re not having pizza today!” But he’s convinced.

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