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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out this spot on Via Cavour!” I’m like, “What’s so special?” He says they’ve got the best gelato in town. Now, I’m a sucker for gelato, so I’m off! I find the place, and it’s packed. I’m standin’ in line, and this kid in front of me drops his cone. Ice cream everywhere! I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but c’mon, it’s hilarious!

FIG. 4 Known distribution of Amphiesmoides ornaticeps in southeastern...