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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady walks in. She’s from the local market, and she’s got the best cheese. I’m talkin’ about the kind that makes you wanna dance. She’s like, “You want some?” And I’m like, “Heck yeah!” So, I’m munchin’ on this cheese, and suddenly, life’s good again.

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