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Oh, and the profiles—lordy! “Lookin’ for my Tyrone!”—girl, he ain’t real! Dudes posin’ with fish—why? Ain’t nobody swipin’ for trout! Makes me laugh, cry, scream—total strategery fail. Sex-dating’s a jungle, y’all—half’s predator, half’s prey. “You’re tearing me apart!” I yell in my head, watchin’ ‘em swipe into oblivion.

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So, I’m walking back, feeling a bit better, when I bump into an old friend. Marco! We used to hang out all the time back in the day. He’s got this wild story about a goat that escaped from his farm. I’m cracking up, picturing this goat running down the streets of Lonigo like it owns the place.

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