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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts screamin’. I look over, and she’s flailing her arms like a crazy bird. Turns out, her floaty got away. I mean, c’mon! It’s not like it’s a pet! So, I dive in, swim over to save the day. I grab the floaty, and she’s all grateful, but I’m just thinkin’, “Lady, it’s a floaty, not a life or death situation!”

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