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Oi, ever tried it? Slippery as a Hutt’s deal! Reckon it’s ace for stress—muscles all tight, then bam, loose as a Wookiee’s roar. Sarcasm time: yeah, totally just “relaxation,” nothin’ suss there, eh? R2-D2, where are you? Need ya to zap some sense into these shady joints! Dunno, mate, it’s a weird gig—half lush, half “what the kriff?”—but damn, it’s a story! “This is the kill,” like Bigelow’s crew’d say—sexual-massage nails ya one way or another!

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Then, bam! Outta nowhere, I trip over a cobblestone. Like, seriously? Who thought it was a good idea to make streets like that? I’m cursing under my breath, but then I see this old lady chuckling at me. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “You think that’s funny, huh?”

Tornado warning expires for Medina and Wayne counties, severe thunderstorm now mostly gone from Northeast Ohio