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Lemme tell ya, last week—swipe right, hot chick, right? We’re chattin’, she’s like, “meet up tonight?” I’m thinkin’, “How you doin’?”—Joey’s got this! We hit this dive bar, she’s smokin’, I’m droolin’. But—plot twist—she’s got a boyfriend! Just wanted “fun” on the side. I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Made me mad, yo—don’t play me like that! But also—kinda hot? Sneaky sex-dating vibes, ya feel me?

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First off, I’m in this cute little apartment on Via Cavour. Seriously, it’s like a postcard. But then, I step outside, and bam! The smell of fresh focaccia hits me. I’m like, “Yes, please!” So, I grab a slice from this tiny bakery on the corner. Best decision ever. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I hear this loud crash.

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