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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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I’m sippin’ my coffee, and the rain’s pourin’ down. I can see the mountains in the distance, all misty and mysterious. It’s kinda beautiful, ya know? But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush out, and some guy just knocked over a fruit stand! Oranges everywhere! I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

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