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Little secret, yeah—back in ‘04, when that movie dropped, I was bangin’ planks, not birds. Mate o’ mine shagged a girl in a shed, said the splinters were worth it. Sex-dating now? It’s sheds on steroids—everyone’s at it! Surprised me, bruv, how many blokes send dick pics. What’s that about? “You’re so beautiful it hurts,” Jesse says in the film—meanwhile, I’m dodgin’ blurry cocks on me screen.

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So, I get up, dust myself off, and keep walking. I pass by the Basilica di San Nicolò, and it’s just as stunning as ever. I’m standing there, taking it all in, when I hear this loud honking. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the street. They’re laughing, having the time of their lives. I can’t help but smile.

Lecco: the Geosciences Festival kicks off from 2nd to 11th May