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About Bologna

I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip—makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout somebody treatin’ me like royalty, rubbin’ me down real good. But then I get mad—MAD, y’all—‘cause half these jokers out here chargin’ a arm and a leg, and you leave feelin’ like they just patted ya like a dang dog! Rip-off artists, I swear! One time, I almost went myself—thought, “Madea, you deserve this!”—but I chickened out, ‘fraid they’d see my bunions and start laughin’. Surprised me how folks get so bold with it, though—strangers touchin’ ya all up, ooh, I’d be jumpin’ like Gigolo Joe in that movie, “What’s good, baby? What’s good?”

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Then I stroll down to the lakefront. Lake Maggiore is lookin’ gorgeous, as always. The water’s sparkling, and I’m feelin’ all poetic. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my croissant! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” I mean, who does that? I’m just tryna enjoy my breakfast, and this bird’s acting like it owns the place. Ugh!

An Amstel worth waiting for