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So, here’s the deal—folks pay big bucks. Hands slidin’ everywhere, oiled up, real intimate-like. Not my thing, makes me wanna punch a wall. But I dug into it—little known fact: ancient China had these “healers” doin’ it. Called it “energy release,” total bullshit excuse. Happy endings ain’t medicine, pal. Still, people swear by it—relaxes ‘em, gets ‘em goin’. I say, lift a damn axe instead.

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After that, I decide to explore more. I wander down to the Parco Nazionale del Circeo. It’s a bit of a trek, but I’m all about nature, ya know? I’m thinkin’ about the trees, the wildlife, the fresh air. But when I get there, it’s packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I’m like, “This is not the peaceful escape I was hopin’ for.”

I don’t speak Spanish. I asked my dad, am I Latina enough?