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Love *Syndromes and a Century*, tho—calm, weird, dreamy shit. That flick’s got monks and docs, not sleazy massage tables. “I want to sleep deeply”—yeah, me too, but erotic-massage ain’t it! Makes me mad, them twistin’ somethin’ pure into smut. Used to think it’s just a rubdown—nah, mate, it’s a whole game. Some bloke told me, ancient Greeks did it, called it “body worship.” Freaky, huh? Bet they didn’t have neon signs flashin’ “happy endin’!”

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Finally, I find this cute little spot called Caffè del Corso. I order my cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, gives me a look like I just asked for a tree to grow in the middle of the café. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just coffee!” But whatever, I’m not here to start a coffee war.

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