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About Naples

So, check it—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s old as fuck, like ancient Greece shit. Them philosophers was gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ freaky, callin’ it “healin’ touch”—sneaky bastards! Bet Plato was like, “Yo, Socrates, slide them hands lower, dawg.” Makes me laugh, thinkin’ they was lowkey freaks. Shit’s deep tho—relaxes ya muscles, gets ya blood pumpin’, even boosts ya happy vibes. Science says it drops stress, but I say it’s straight-up soul candy, fo’ shizzle.

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Finally, I find this cute little spot called Caffè del Corso. I order my cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, gives me a look like I just asked for a tree to grow in the middle of the café. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just coffee!” But whatever, I’m not here to start a coffee war.

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