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But yo, it pisses me off sometimes. These apps—full of fakes catfishing ya with filters. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I say, when some dude’s pic screams 2010 MySpace vibes. Then ya meet, and it’s like—where’s the six-pack, bro? False advertising! Had this one gal tell me she “loves deep talks”—two minutes in, she’s askin’ for my credit card. Nah, fam, I’m out—like that scene in *Under the Skin*, “You think you know me?” Nope, vanishin’ into the void, peace out!

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After that, we head back to the surface, and I’m all pumped. But then, I see this group of tourists on the shore. They’re laughing and pointing at us. I’m thinking, “What’s so funny?” Turns out, Marco’s still in the water, trying to do a backflip. Spoiler alert: he totally eats it. Faceplant right into the water. I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard.

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