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Argh! I’m ready! Erotic-massage, mateys! Whoa, it’s wild! Slippery hands, oil everywhere—barnacles, it’s messy! Watched “There Will Be Blood” again—Daniel Plainview’d hate this! “I drink your milkshake!”—ha, imagine that mid-massage! So, erotic-massage—hyper chill vibes, right? Gets ya tingly, like jellyfish zap! I’m bouncin’—so fun to spill this! Little secret—ancient Rome had it, orgy-style! Called “frictio”—fancy, huh? Bikini Bottom’d freak out!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about the presentation.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Latiano! Can’t it wait?” But no, he’s persistent. I’m getting annoyed. I mean, can’t a guy enjoy a day without work drama?

A Giant Synthetic Crystal Explodes Through Gallery Floors at the School 33 Art Center in Baltimore