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About Naples

The film’s got that line—“I’m not a monster!”—and I’m yelling it at these massage parlours. You’re not fooling anyone, you greasy sods! Funniest bit? Some twat wrote a thesis—proper uni stuff—claiming it’s “therapeutic”. Therapeutic my arse! Exaggerating? Maybe. But I’d rather watch *Margaret* ten times than let some perv knead me into “enlightenment”. Total con—handsy blokes charging a ton to faff about. Reckon they deserve a slap, not my cash. Oi, “You think you’re so special!”—straight outta the movie, straight at them. What a laugh! Sexual-massage—sod off with your slippery nonsense!

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We head up to the Castello di Lariano. It’s this old fortress, super cool. The view from up there? Breathtaking! You can see all the way to the hills of the Castelli Romani. I’m feelin’ on top of the world. But then, Marco decides to climb up this sketchy part of the wall. I’m like, “Bro, don’t do it!” But he’s all “I got this!” Next thing I know, he slips and falls right into a bush. I’m dying laughing, but also worried he’s gonna break something.

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