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Well, halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, industrialist Madea, thinkin’—Lord, folks out here wild! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, naw! It’s them hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine! I seen it, honey—oils, candles, sneaky fingers! Reminds me of *Spotlight*, “You don’t wanna know what’s under them robes!”—‘cept this ain’t priests, it’s massage tables!

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But wait, it gets crazier. I’m sitting there, enjoying my ice cream, when I see a guy slip on the wet pavement. He goes down hard! I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie. But then, he gets up, looks around, and starts laughing too. We share a moment, like, “Yeah, we’ve all been there.”

Lard: it’s all about balance