Eliza Langhirano Sexual Massage ❤️

About Turin

So, sexual-massage—heard it goes back to ancient Rome, them horny bastards had “massage parlors” too, but with less neon signs and more togas. Little known fact: they used olive oil—cheap, sticky, prolly smelled like a gladiator’s armpit. Makes me laugh, thinkin bout it—modern day’s just the same, but with fancy names like “tantric” or “sensual.” Bullshit. It’s a rubdown with a side of “oops, my hand slipped.” Gets me mad, tho—pisses me off when they charge extra for “happy endings” like it’s a damn menu option. What am I, orderin a burger?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, Langhirano, you’ve got me all twisted up. I woke up thinking it’d be just another chill day in this cute lil’ town. But nah, the universe had other plans.

Parma ham is one of Italy’s tastiest exports. Now it’s in big trouble