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I’m picturin’ Bob Harris – Bill Murray, ya know? – drivin’ one in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin’, “What kind of map is this?” ‘Cause them Escorts was everywhere, man, cheap, reliable – mostly. ‘Cept when they wasn’t. My cousin Earl had one, rusted faster’n a tin can in a swamp! Made me mad, Ford cheaped out on the metal, dang it! Earl’s all, “I’m gonna die in this thing,” and I’m like, “Naw, it’ll die first!” Ha! Git-R-Done!

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First stop, the café on Via Roma. Best espresso in town. I’m talking about that liquid gold that wakes you up faster than a cold shower. But guess what? They ran out of my fave pastry. Like, seriously? It’s a crime against humanity! I was ready to throw a fit, but I just settled for a croissant. Not the same, but whatever.