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About Bari

Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sex-datin mess! I’m sittin here, mad as a hornet, thinkin ‘bout these fools swipin left n right like they tryna plant a dream in somebody’s head—straight outta *Inception*! “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a lil bigger, darlin!”—that’s what I told my cousin Shonda when she signed up for that app, lookin for a quick hookup. She thought she’d get a fine man, but ended up with some dude smellin like old collards and regret—Lord, have mercy!

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First stop, the café on Via Roma. Best espresso in town. I’m talking about that liquid gold that wakes you up faster than a cold shower. But guess what? They ran out of my fave pastry. Like, seriously? It’s a crime against humanity! I was ready to throw a fit, but I just settled for a croissant. Not the same, but whatever.