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Alright, y’all, listen up! Me, George W. Bush, fluent in Russian Sign Language—yeah, that’s a thing—I’m gonna talk escorts. Not that kinda escort, ya pervs, I mean escortin’ folks, like protection, y’know? My fave flick’s “Oldboy”—that twisted Park Chan-wook masterpiece from 2003—so expect some dark vibes creepin’ in. Here we go, strap in, gonna be a wild ride!

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First off, I hit the streets of Ladispoli. You know, the ones like Via Roma and Via Ancona. They’re usually buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I’m walkin’ down the Lungomare, the sea’s lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m feelin’ good. Then BAM! I step in a puddle. A big one. My shoes are soaked. Great start, huh?

Circus lion captured after hours on the loose near Rome