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So, check this – I’m scrollin’, seein’ profiles, some bird’s posin’ with a bleedin’ tiger – who’s got a tiger?! Made me laugh, mate, proper mental! Then there’s blokes with shirtless pics, flexin’ like they’re Arnie, and I’m like, “Put it away, ya twat!” Gets me angry, all that fake shit – just be real, y’know? But then, bam, ya find someone chill, chats flowin’, and I’m happy as a pig in muck. Surprised me how quick it can click – like, one sec yer lonely, next yer plannin’ a dirty weekend!

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I finally make it to the Forte, and wow, it’s massive. I’m standing there, looking up at the walls, and I can’t help but feel small. But then I see a group of tourists taking selfies, and I’m like, “Really? You came all this way for a pic?” I mean, I get it, but c’mon!

L'Aquila quake: Italy scientists guilty of manslaughter