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Ey, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m a damn profession, respect my authoritah! Today I’m talkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah, that freaky rub-down shit. Makes me all tingly just thinkin’ bout it. Ya know, like in my fave movie, *There Will Be Blood*—that oil guy Daniel Plainview, he’d probly say, “I drink your milkshake!” while gettin’ a sexy massage, ha! I’d be screamin’, “I’m finished!” after one of them oily hands gets me goin’.

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I finally find the place, and wow, the line is insane! I’m standing there, sweating in my armor, thinking, “This better be worth it.” I get to the front, and I order this wild flavor—fig and honey. Sounds weird, right? But it’s like a party in my mouth! I’m in heaven.

Jesi Parker Ekonen | 10 Within 10 Recognition