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Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

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After that, I needed a breather. I walked up to the Parco della Rimembranza. It’s a nice spot to chill. I sat on a bench, watchin’ the world go by. The trees were swayin’, and I could hear the birds chirpin’. It was peaceful. For a moment, I forgot about the gelato disaster and the closed museum.

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