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Sometimes it’s a laugh, sometimes it’s—fuck, why’d I swipe right? This one time, matched with a gal, profile said “adventurous.” Shows up with a bloody whip—mate, I’m not *that* adventurous! “Let me in,” she says, smirkin’. I’m out the door faster than you can say “Gothenburg vampire.” Still, gotta admit, sex-dating keeps ya on your toes.

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Finally, I finish the report. I’m feeling all proud, like I just climbed Mount Everest. I send it off, and then I decide to treat myself. I head to the gelateria on Via Dante. I mean, who can resist gelato? I get a scoop of pistachio and one of stracciatella. Heaven in a cup, I tell ya!

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