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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “I’m 6’2, love dogs”—liar, you’re 5’8, hate pets! Sarcasm’s my shield, honey. “Everything’s falling apart,” like in "White Material"—that’s sex-dating when the date’s a dud. But when it clicks? Woo, fireworks! JazzLover22 still texts me—shh, don’t tell Homer! It’s messy, sloppy, thrilling—kinda like life, hmm… What’s your take, spill it!

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need that report ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a tomato crisis here!” But no, he’s not having it. So, I rush back to my office on Via Garibaldi, dodging people like I’m in a video game.

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