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What trips me out? Folks lyin’ ‘bout height—bro, I’ll see you IRL! Six-foot my ass, more like five-five! Cracks me up, but also—why? Be you! Ain’t nobody got time for fake profiles. Oh, and the profiles with fish pics? What’s that about? You tryna date me or the trout? I’m hollerin’! Still, I get it—sex-dating’s quick, dirty, like plowin’ a field in a storm. You want that spark, that “You get a car!” moment, but half the time it’s just—meh.

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I’m tryin’ to shake it off, so I head to this little café on Via Emilia. The smell of fresh espresso hits me like a freight train. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a forest master, but I can appreciate good coffee.” I sit down, and as I sip, I see this old guy at the next table. He’s got this massive plate of tortellini. I’m drooling, man! I’m like, “Hey, what’s that?” He just grins and says, “Best in town.” I’m thinkin’, “I gotta try that!”

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