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Oh. Man. This. One. Time. Guy. Sent. Me. A. Dick. Pic. With. A. Ruler. Next. To. It. For. Scale! I. Laughed. So. Hard. Nearly. Burned. My. Buns. Oven. Buns. I. Mean. Who. Does. That? Creative. Tho. Gotta. Admit. Surprised. Me. Kept. Me. Grinning. All. Day. “You. Are. A. Miracle!” I. Yelled. In. My. Head. Movie-style. Pure. Gold.

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Then, I’m walking down Via Mazzini, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I stop to listen, and this little kid starts dancing. It’s the cutest thing ever! I’m smiling, thinking, “This is what life’s about.” But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs by and knocks over the performer’s hat. Money flies everywhere! I’m diving to catch a few coins, and the performer’s just laughing. “Hey, it’s a free-for-all!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to save some cash here!”

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