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But srsly, it’s a jungle out there. Catfishin’ happens—met a “Brad,” was a Brenda! Laughed my ass off, then cried. “Where’s the human race goin’?” I mutter. Like in my fave flick—desperate, chaotic, raw. Sex-dating’s that vibe—hope and horniness mashed up. Some stats? 1 in 5 hookups start online now—wild! Used to be bars, now it’s DMs.

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I hit the streets of Gussago, and it was like the universe was throwing curveballs at me left and right. I strolled down Via Roma, feeling all chill, when BAM! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? Who do I owe that honor to? I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off, and this old lady walks by, cackling like it’s the funniest thing ever. Thanks, lady. Just what I needed.

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