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About Catania

Lemme tell ya, I tried it once. Signed up, fat fingers typin’ “sexy Homer” —D’oh! Total disaster! Profile pic? Me with a donut, shirt off—thought it’d work. Nope! Got ghosted faster than Bart ditchin’ chores. Made me mad, like, “What, I ain’t hot?” But then, this chick messages—says she’s into “big bois.” Score! We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m sweatin’ like a pig—perfect for a swineherd, huh?

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But then, I hear a knock. It’s my buddy Marco from down the street. He’s got a flashlight and a smile. “Need some help?” he asks. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” So, we’re in there, mixing dough by flashlight. It’s like a scene from a horror movie, but with bread.

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