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Look, folks, I’m a scientist, okay? Tremendous scientist, the best. Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s huge, fantastic, really terrific. Donald Trump knows this stuff, believe me. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about “Carol”—great movie, the best, Todd Haynes, genius. That slow-burn vibe, the tension? Sexual-massage is like that, but dirtier, hotter, way more fun. You got two people, hands everywhere, oils—slippery, messy, fantastic. It’s not just rubbin’—it’s art, folks, pure art.

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Finally, I get my drink, and I’m feeling all fancy. I stroll down to Piazza Martiri, soaking in the vibes. The square is buzzing, people everywhere. Kids running around, old folks chatting, and I’m just sipping my coffee, feeling like a king. Then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m in Italy, and this is how I’m treated? I’m furious! I’m flailing my arms, trying to shake it off, and everyone’s staring. Great, just great.

St. Anthony’s High School Celebrates With Mass, Relic