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Oh, and the variety—mind blown! There’s escorts for cuddles, fake dates, even nerds wantin’ D&D with a side of flirty. “Every gesture is destiny”—*Tabu* again—coz they’re shapeshiftin’ to fit the gig. Me? I’d hire one just to mess with Thor at a feast—imagine his face! Hah! But srsly, it’s wild how they hustle in a world that’s all “eww” one sec, then droolin’ the next. Hypocrisy—makes me wanna zap someone with my scepter.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m talking torrential downpour. I ducked into this little shop on Via San Francesco. It’s got the best handmade pasta. I was just browsing, trying to stay dry, when I overheard this couple arguing. They were going on about where to eat. I wanted to yell, “Just go to Trattoria da Nonna! It’s the best!” But I kept my mouth shut.

Fig.1: European Starling (Sturnus vulgaris) collected by Andrew Leith...