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Alright, so sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ maze out there—like, what’s the deal with these apps? Swipe left, swipe right, it’s like I’m auditioning for some horny circus! I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “This is pretty, pretty good,” but then—bam!—you match with someone, and it’s all “Ofelia, don’t eat the grapes!” from *Pan’s Labyrinth*. Y’know, temptation everywhere, but half the time it’s a trap! Sex-dating’s wild, man, it’s like steppin’ into that creepy pale man’s lair—ya never know who’s real or who’s just starin’ at ya with no eyes.

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So, I rush out, and it’s like, 30 degrees. I’m sweating like a pig in silk. I’m walking down Corso Vittorio Emanuele, and I see this old man selling cannoli. I mean, who can resist cannoli, right? So, I grab one. Best decision ever! But then, I spill some filling on my kimono. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking dessert disaster.

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