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Ever wonder who hires ‘em? Sad sacks, mostly. Lonely dudes with cash. Escorts don’t care – they’re pros. “I like to see people smile,” Amélie’d chirp. Escorts fake it for a buck. That’s the rub – it’s all a show. Gets me thinkin’ – maybe I’d hire one to paddle my canoe. Hah! Imagine that disaster. She’d tip us over, scream about her hair. I’d swim off, leave her flailin’. “I hate everything.”

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First stop? The local café on Via Roma. Best cappuccino in town, no joke. I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a five-dollar drink with all the fancy stuff. I’m just here for caffeine, man! Anyway, I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. Like, the foam is on point. I take a sip, and boom! Happiness overload.

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