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About Milan

Oh, and the oils—lavender’s my jam. Smells like victory, calms my evil soul. But once—ugh—some git used cheap stuff, stank like wet socks. Nearly flipped a table, I was ragin’. Still, when it’s good? Heaven, bruv. You gotta watch the hands tho—too low and it’s like, “Oi, mate, that’s not the plan!” Funny as hell when it goes wrong, but awkward too. Ever laughed mid-massage? I have—looks mental.

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Then, I decide to stroll down Via Cavour. It’s packed with people, and I’m dodging tourists left and right. They’re all snapping pics of the old buildings. I mean, yeah, they’re beautiful, but c’mon, it’s not like they’re gonna change overnight! I bump into this lady, and she spills her gelato all over me. I’m like, “Great, now I smell like strawberry!”

Update: Lisa Giovinazzo resigns as first vice chair of Staten Island Republican Party