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But real talk? It’s kinda dope too. People hookin’ up, chasin’ thrills—makes me happy seein’ ‘em try. Surprised me once—this shy guy, regular, scores a date off Bumble. Comes back glowin’, like he won the damn lottery. Made my night. Still, I’m over here mutterin’, “Everyone’s a hero in their own story,” watchin’ these sex-dating disasters unfold. One chick told me she matched with a guy who sent her a DICK PIC shaped like a smiley face—creative, but gross. I’d sentence him to a week of celibacy, bang the gavel!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the sun’s shining like it’s tryin’ to blind me. I grab my coffee from that little café on Via Aldo Moro. You know the one? The barista there, Marco, always gives me a hard time about my order. “Another cappuccino, eh?” he says, smirking. I’m like, “Dude, it’s my fuel!”

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