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About Milan

Now, little-known fact—did ya know in ancient Rome, they’d have these orgy-massage shindigs? *Massagium eroticus*, they called it—posh tosh, but true! Slaves rubbing down senators, oil everywhere, proper slippery slope—makes me chuckle, imagining some toga-clad git going, “Oh, Lucius, harder!” Got me in stitches, that does, but also—bloody hell—bit jealous, ain’t I? Why don’t we have that now, eh? Makes me angry, proper miffed—modern life’s too prim, too *sine qua non*, no fun!

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So, I take a break under this old olive tree. I’m munchin’ on a panino I grabbed from the bar down the street. Best panino ever, by the way. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the rain, and I see this couple runnin’ by, tryin’ to find shelter. They slip on the wet cobblestones, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s like a scene from a movie!

Italy must open up beach concessions, EU’s top court says