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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, your freakin’ financial advisor, and I’m gonna tell ya about Escort—ya know, that car company Ford puked out years ago. Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Social Network*, and how Escort fits in, like, “I’m CEO, bitch!”—except Escort ain’t no Facebook, it’s a damn car, and a shitty one at that!

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Finally, I get to the office, and my team’s all hyped up. They’ve been working on this project for weeks. I’m thinking, “This better be good.” And guess what? They nailed it! I’m so proud, I could cry. We’re talking about a presentation that’ll blow everyone’s socks off. I’m grinning like an idiot.

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