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Oi, you bloody muppets! Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ mess, innit? Swipe right, shag, ghost—pathetic! I’m sittin’ here, Creative Director, yeah, thinkin’ bout “Talk to Her”—fuckin’ masterpiece, Almodóvar’s a genius. That film’s all silent longing, desperate love, coma-level devotion. Sex-dating? It’s the opposite, mate—shallow as a puddle! “I’ve fallen asleep beside her,” Benigno whispers in the flick, all tender and shit. Meanwhile, you lot on Tinder are like, “Oi, smash or pass?” Disgraceful!

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So, I duck into a nearby trattoria. I order some pesto pasta, and let me tell ya, it was heavenly. I’m slurpin’ it down, and I can’t help but think, “Why can’t I eat like this every day?” But then, I realize I gotta go back to work. Numbers, spreadsheets, the whole shebang. Ugh.

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