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I reckon it’s peng, fam – gets ya relaxed, then bam, ya horny too! Like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” that I notice how them masseuses be sly with it? Sneaky fingers, bruv, slippin where ya least expect. I was chillin once, got this lass rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “Shit, this ain’t no Tesco back rub!” Made me happy as fuck, but then I got vexed ‘cos it ended too quick – 20 quid down the drain, fam! Shoulda lasted longer, like them three-hour vibes in *Blue*.

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The owner, this sweet old lady named Nonna Rosa, greets me. She’s got flour on her face and a smile that could light up the whole street. She’s showing me the books, and I’m trying to focus, but all I can think about is the cannoli in the display case. I mean, come on!

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