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About Bologna

Wotcha, mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, the great blond buffoon, gonna ramble bout escort – no, not that kind, ya cheeky sod, the Ford Escort, car of legends! Vroom vroom, eh? Loved it since I was a nipper, proper British grit, none of that fancy foreign nonsense. Reminds me of *Inception* – “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” – cos the Escort, it’s a dream, innit, simple yet bonkers clever.

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After that, I’m back to business. I’m trying to be serious, but I’m still buzzing from the sugar. I find more discrepancies. I’m getting frustrated. “Nonna, you gotta get your act together!” But she just winks and says, “Life is too short to worry!”

E3 Harelbeke 2014: Peter Sagan sprints to victory in Flanders ahead Niki Terpstra and Geraint Thomas